Original Programming

Today’s drawing of Mary Magdalene: Apparition

“Tú eres una oración andante… eres la oración que no cesa.”

“You are a walking prayer, you are the prayer that does not end.”

Listening to Raimón Samsó, the Spanish writer who talks about many of the things that I’m interested in learning, I remember some miracles in my life. And know that he’s right.

At some point he quit everything, sold his house, sold his car, and had to necessarily design a new way to live. He decided he wanted to write books somewhere where he could look at the sea. He has 52 published books in his website, many of them bestsellers. He is a living example of the way of life I aspire to create.

And I know it’s possible because I’ve done it before, but I believe I disconnected from myself at a very difficult point in my life some years ago, and as a consequence, I ended up involved in living by prescription.

I followed the programming I was given as a child. In fact, my grandmother said to me: I want you to grow up to be a secretary or a teacher. For someone who had no access to education, and who didn’t have other points of reference when thinking about what a woman could aspire to become, she was telling me she wanted me to be educated and accomplished, economically independent and able to leave any situation that mistreated me. And my mind heard all those things, and guided me along the way, and sooner or later I became… a secretary-teacher. I’m not joking, my job of “director” is in reality that. I do a lot of paperwork, keep infinite records, and teach sometimes. I do a lot more, but essentially, my grandmother would be ecstatic if she had lived to witness my present.

According to Raimón, if I want to change that (and become a full time artist again), I need to let go, pray/ask myself for what I want, know that it’s granted, and put it in the hands of Spirit. I need to be a never ending prayer that reaches for the higher vibration where my wish awaits.

I understand what he means. It’s not just about wishing and asking and imagining, it’s about living, embodying, acting with freedom, joy and a greater truth than what is apparent right now.

I think it is also important to understand how we got to where we got. And why.

At 36, I quit my job, burned my bridges and baptized myself an artist. And it was amazing! At 55, I realize that life on Earth is finite. And that every minute of happiness counts. And that whether my mind and programming can justify my desires, I can’t help but listen to my soul, again. I’m more cautious, but essentially, I am the same person inside. I no longer need or want to burn bridges, I want to flow into a new reality without effort.

The only thing I need to know, really know, is how. Because in my mind I need to speak, negotiate, strategize. But when listening to Raimón Samsó, and when remembering my past adventures, I know that I don’t really need to do any of that.

This is a great life experiment. I may find a solution, or a solution may find me. Or I may fail being brave. But I am ready now. Working on it. I hope Mary Magdalene stays close and helps me out.